The 5 Lamest Scat Solos

Scatting: A style of singing developed by Gene Greene in the early 1900's, popularized by Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald and Renaissanced in the 1990's by Scatman John. Scatting is a universal language of improvisational singing using nonsense words and syllables in place of words, so that a singer may concentrate more on the other aspects of their craft and utilize them to solo, much as a jazz instrumentalist would, for better or for worse. These are the worse.

#5 - Lame Bass/Scat Solo

This atrocity of a solo would surprise me if it weren't for one fact: the soloist is a bassist. Here's typical bassist thinking--oh gee, nobody really wants to hear me play a bass solo, so what I'll do is I'll sing all the notes as I'm playing them, that'll make a bass solo tolerable!--this, of course, is logically fallacious. Nobody wants to hear the bass solo, and nobody wants to hear the scat solo. Please don't play either.

#4 - The Coolest Senior in Intermediate Choir

I know this guy. I don't know him personally, but I know his type. He's the only senior who isn't good enough to be in advanced choir, so they keep him in the intermediate choir out of pity. Of course, being the oldest, he's the most popular kid in intermediate choir. Why? Because of his crazy antics, of course. Just listen to the "owww!" at the end of that solo. Crazy! He's not even trying up until that point; it's obvious he only wanted the solo to insert the "owww!", thus making the freshmen girls giggle, thus ensuring a finger-bang sometime in the near future. Fuck you, archetypal senior in intermediate choir.

#3 - Church Scat

Who would have thought a WASP middle-schooler didn't have soul?

#2 - You're a Mormon

This guy is stiff. I'd excuse him if he was paralyzed, but he's not; only his sense of rhythm seems to be injured. He's doing this sort half-dance, half-pocket-grabbing maneuver in the beginning, I think out of nervousness--first mistake. After a while, he loosens up and gets down with his bad self, so to speak--second mistake. If this him expressing himself, he's boring. I've never seen somebody communicate their faith through scat before until now--this dude's a Mormon.

#1 - Granola Scat

As hallucinogenic fans ourselves, we have a special place in our heart for hippies. Some hippies. Not this hippie. This hippie does three things in this video: scat, embarrass himself, and embarass everybody else. We understand you're stoned, hippie, but that doesn't mean you have to communicate it to everybody in scat. No, your scatting is not funny, not even in an ironic way; your scatting is like that time you discovered that your all-time favorite shampoo was, in fact, tested on animals--it's sad. Even the kid isn't laughing. Shut your hippie mouth.